Gone For Good
by T.E. Takeuchi
Summary: Why wasn't she changing? Why was she watching her best friend turn into a monster? What made her so special? Why did she get to live? Short Ellie/Riley fic, taking place right after the events of Left Behind. (SPOILERS)


**Disclaimer: **I do not own any of the characters from The Last Of Us, or anything affiliated with the game.

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How long had it been?

Days?

Hours?

Time was irrelevant; the only thing that mattered was the gun in her hand, and the dead body convulsing in front of her. Why wasn't she changing? Why hadn't she changed? They were supposed to lose their minds together. You know, be all poetic and shit. Go crazy. Turn into those things and have the last thing they ever see be each other.

But she hadn't changed. She'd sat there and watched as Riley changed. Watched the life- no, humanity- drain from her eyes. Watcher her body twist and writhe and rot. Watcher her best friend turn into a monster. The thing of nightmares, the very thing she'd been taught to fear and hate and kill.

And she was supposed to join her.

It wasn't going to happen, though, was it? There'd been daylight when they'd first started making their way out, she was sure of it- but now it was dark again. She could hear the distant curdling howls of far off infected screaming into the night. Why wouldn't they shut up? Why couldn't she be one of them, howling her insanity and pain in tune with theirs? Even when she'd lodged a bullet in her best friend's head, they still wouldn't let her sing with them. Instead her sad song was sung by the tears streaking down her muddy face, washing away the dirt but not the pain.

A shiver raced up her back. What was the point of living anymore? This was going to ultimately be her fate, wasn't it? Dying miserably, all alone? Just like everyone else had died before her. No one died a natural death anymore, and they hadn't for the past 20 years, probably. That was a thing of the past now- as was happiness and joy and safety.

She would never be happy again.

There was no point in living on.

The barrel was cold against her temple. Just pull it. Just pull the trigger and you'll never have to worry about anything ever again.

"_We can take the easy way out,_" Riley had said, "_but I'm not too fond of option one._"

Her arm dropped. Riley would never forgive her if she did that. She had to keep fighting, that's what Riley would want. Right?

She could so easily walk into the next room and let the infected tear her apart, too. That would be different than pulling the trigger on herself. Right?

Or she could sit here and starve to death. It would take longer and hurt more and be different, right?

Anything would be better than pulling the trigger. Right?

She was crying again. Daylight filtered in through the rafters again. How long had she been there?

They'd taught her to be stronger than this in Military school. Why wasn't she changing? Maybe if she waited longer...maybe if she just waited a bit longer.

And a bit longer.

And a bit longer.

And she never changed. Why wouldn't she change? Why wasn't she becoming one of them?

She was so hungry and tired and scared. And alone.

"_We keep fighting_."

She stood up slowly, for the first time, and grabbed the gun.

"_For every second we get to spend with each other_."

Riley had fought to her last second. She had watched her, she'd kept her promise. And now, Ellie had to keep her's, too. She'd keep fighting, for every second. Whether it was spending it with Riley or alone, or maybe with someone else. She'd keep fighting."_We don't give that up_."

She wouldn't give that up.

She killed every last infected on her way back. She wasn't sure when she became so skilled with a handgun, but the trail of bodies behind her was clear evidence of it. The tape was still playing when she got back. Like a robot, she turned it off and removed it from the stereo. Went over and gathered up her backpack and Riley's. Made sure everything was there.

She stood and stared, in the darkness, for a very long time, her eyes cold and unseeing. She stared down at the shiny pendant on the floor, her chest rising and falling in a stoic rhythm that made her question whether she was really alive or not. Maybe this was all a dream? Maybe she was turning, or had turned, and this was just her mind playing tricks on her.

No, it wasn't. It couldn't be. This was too real. The cold metal in her hand felt too real, as she bent down to pick up the pendant. Riley Abel. It wasn't fair.

Gritting her teeth and curling her hand tighter around the metal, she sat frozen for a moment, her whole body quaking with both anger and sorrow. This wasn't fair. This world was cruel and terrible and she hated it.

But not doing anything wasn't going to change anything.

If she wanted change, there was only one thing she could do.

She had to find Marlene. She had lived for a reason, and dying in a place like this wasn't that reason. Maybe her not changing could help. Maybe she was special, maybe she could help in some way. Atone for being the one who lived.

Why had she been the one who lived? Why her? Why hadn't she changed? What made her so special?

It wasn't fair.

This world was cruel and terrible and she hated it.

And she was going to change it. For Riley.

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**Author's Note: **Soooooo this is my first TLOU fic! As much as I loved the DLC Left Behind, I was unsatisfied with where they left the ending regarding Ellie and Riley's story. I'd of liked to of seen Ellie going back for the back packs, as well as watching her reaction to Riley changing while she stayed sane. So here's my perspective on it, hope you like!


End file.
